someone: hey wanna be friends
me: yeah sure
someone: how are you
me: *doesn't answer*
My niece thought that she could squeeze an egg and it wouldn’t break. She broke our last egg.
tomlinsarse: i’m about to cry my brother told me that only today he found out that LGBT stood for les/gay/bi/trans instead of lettuce green bacon tomato he looked at me and he had tears in his eyes and he said in the most horrified voice i’ve been telling people i like LGBT sandwiches okay that means i’ve been having gay sandwiches then he started to cry and ran off and yelled they all...
me: I'll just get on tumblr for a few minutes before bed
me: Is that the sun
News in Britain: stamps have gone up 14 pence
News in America: cannibal eats man's face
News in America: man throws his own intestines at police
News in Canada: body parts mailed to government
News in America: Women kills and eats 3 week old son
joceln: canada looks really broken u ok canada
getlikemike: i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate yo i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate...
A 3 month pregnant woman falls into a deep coma. 6...
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily, your brother named them for you.
Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Woman: Well it isn't so bad, and what did he call the boy?
When your friends don't laugh at the hilarious...
sodamnrelatable: On the outside: In your head: via sodamnrelatable
zombieinmybutt: i have no life lol
imagine if someone liked me romantically oh my god
shavingryansprivates: when they say the title of the album in a song
basedgosh: which horny geologist named this mineral
nasty-otter: Nickel buddy! I’ll never spend you! Funny muffler Jerky Pal Boo boo keys Snake eyes
finefools: glamydia: excuse me urban outfitters i believe you owe my eyes an apology more like chukka that shit in the garbage
sublimesublemon: cuppacats: aquus: i dont even recognize north carolina as a state right now as far as im concerned we have 49 states although im not even sure wyoming is real have you ever met someone from wyoming??? exactly my mom lives in wyoming yes but have you ever met her
I'm creating a video on what Tumblr people do.
It involves Nutella, Harry Potter, and procrastination. Adding more stuff here and there.
deadb1ogger: FIRMLY GRASP IT
7yrs: i never recieve anon hate everyone loves m e
randomrumiel: mercerism: what if when your pokemon fainted it lost experience points And it went back to it’s starter form. Omg, that’d be hell.
assap: manchester really need to re-think their city merchandise because right now they just look like the biggest my chemical romance fans on earth
I can no longer hear the phrase "let's get down to...
A person who doesn't have tumblr showing me...
Me: I saw that already
Grape juice does NOT mix well with strawberry...
That awkward moment when two people are making out...
randomrumiel: forever-pretty-awkward: randomrumiel: assap: why do teen magazines include posters of miranda cosgrove like how could you sleep looking at just imagine you’re looking at Michael Jackson instead and you can sleep much more easily I don’t feel comforted… Don’t worry he’ll comfort you